Behold the Stars

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours.~Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

A couple shares a table at a coffee shop. One drinks black coffee; the other latte. They share one scone, each periodically tearing off a piece to eat. As we draw closer, we start to hear their conversation:

“That’s a great idea! Why don’t you go pick up an application? You can be enrolled for next semester.

“I’d love to, but…I don’t know. It’s been 12 years since high school…”
“So?”
“It’s been a long time. I don’t remember anything. And those will all be smarter than I am.”
“Oh, come on. They’re not any smarter than you. Besides, look at all the things you’ve done since high school. You raised three kids and are doing great in your job. Geez, you’re an office manager.”
“But that’s different.”
“How?”
“You know, school is so different. You have to know so much. And the kids today are smarter than I am.”
“That’s nonsense.”
“And then there’s tuition. It costs so much to go to school. And when would I do the homework?
“I guess you don’t really want to go back to school.”
“Oh, but I do. I want it more than anything!”

How many times have you been involved in a conversation like this one? Your friends encourage you to go after what you told them many times was a dream, and your response is to tell them every reason why it won’t work. It goes back and forth until you finally convince them that you can never achieve your dream. And that’s it: you won the argument. But what kind of victory is that?

One of the worst things we can do is to work to convince others how hopeless our dreams are. Defending our fears by disputing every point made by our friends strengthens those fears much more than merely thinking of them does. Every time we explain why it can’t be done, we create more and more doubt. It then becomes harder and harder for us to take action.

If you find yourself defending your doubts, there are two courses of action you can follow:

Ask yourself if this is really your dream or just a pipe dream, a distraction from the present. Wen we fight against our dreams, it is because there are other factors that we judge to be more important than our dream, even though we may not yet understand what they are. In the dialog above, the person who wants to go to school may not really want to go to school, but thinks that he should go to school. In that case, the motivation for “the dream” isn’t really there because it isn’t really a dream. I want to be a better tennis player, but clearly not enough to go out and practice. Whatever I do instead of practice is clearly more important to me than becoming a better tennis player. I have to understand that for me being a better tennis player would be nice, but isn’t a dream.

If you’re sure that you really want a particular dream, you must train yourself to talk only of its achievement. Deny yourself the right to discuss why it won’t work. Have your friends ask you only questions related to your dream’s accomplishment. What steps need to be taken? What is one thing that you can do this week toward your goal? Those questions are powerful tools to keep you ont the right track.

It’s amazing how the words we utter can help us or hurt us. So speak only words that empower you. You might just amaze yourself.

Make a great day.

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