Behold the Stars

Tip #30: Be a Buddy September 28, 2008

On the first day of Boy Scout camp, each of us was asked to jump into the icy water of a lake near Oregon’s Mt. Hood and follow a few simple commands: “Float on your back for one minute,” “Tread water, or “Swim to the end of the dock.” Our swimming proficiency was graded, and we were each given a color-coded, disk-shaped “buddy tag.”  The tag’s color told us which swimming area, organized by depth, we were allowed to use.

The buddy tag, though, was used for more than access to deeper water. The tag, when combined with another tag – that of a “buddy” – allowed us to be in in the water in the first place. We were not allowed to swim without someone swimming with us who could, presumably, save us from drowning. Periodically the lifeguards would blow a whistle, and we would be required to meet our buddy,  join hands,  and raise them over our heads for the count. Buddies.

Time moved on, and we grew up and away from Boy Scout camp and its structured and formal security partnerships. By the time we became adults, most of us had created our own network of friends and acquaintances whom we lean on in tough times. They serve the same purpose as the “buddies” from Boy Scout camp – i.e., keep us from drowning – but act as coaches as well, encouraging us to become better swimmers. On some days they act as Father Confessors who listen to our stories, admonish us to do better, and forgive us for our current list of sins — lust, sloth, greed, envy… well, you know.

Study after study shows us the beneficial effects of having people in our lives. Relationships improve not only mental health, but our physical health as well. In fact, good relationships may rival proper nutrition and exercise in their positive impact on the body. Conversely, isolation and loneliness raise levels of circulating stress hormones and blood pressure, decrease quality of sleep, and increase the risk of depression and suicide. This is nothing new, really. This information fills every lifestyle magazine from Oprah to Self to Men’s Fitness to Psychology Today to…

Okay. You’ve seen the articles. I don’t need to tell you the value of human contact. At this point, I could encourage you to develop some great relationships because it would help you to live a longer, healthier life. But I won’t. That’s a no-brainer. Instead, I’m going to encourage you to think about the quality of somebody else’s life.  Is there someone in your circle who could use a buddy? What about that quiet, mousey girl in the cubicle on the end who eats lunch alone and who never goes to happy hour? It might just be that your eating lunch with her is just contact she needs to bring her out of her shell. You know, shy people are often too insecure to make the first contact, but when contacted, open up and blossom right before your eyes. Maybe you can be the nutrient that does it.

So why don’t we try this week to reach out to others around us. Let’s take a risk and be a buddy to someone. Let the light of our attention shine on someone who needs it this week.  You can’t always have a buddy. Life isn’t always that easy. But you can be one.

Make a great day.